issue #186 - a birthday one

Hitha's reflections on her 39th birthday

Author

Hitha Palepu
July 02, 2023

Today’s my 39th birthday (frankly, I’m still recovering from how eventful 38 was)! I’m spending the day with my family and off my phone (exactly how I like it).

I also wanted to share 3 big things and 9 little things I’ve learned over the course of my life, but especially this year.

The Big 3

  1. Identifying - and then prioritizing - your mental release valves is so important. For me, it’s reality television and romance novels - these help my brain turn off while also entertaining and delighting me. These are just as important as my health rituals, but I don’t consider them the same (I do like my Peloton rides and a sweetgreen salad, but it’s not the same as watching 2 episodes of Housewives at the end of a long day).

  2. I have stopped asking people “what do you do?” Instead, I ask them “how do you spend your time?” I love this reframe because it allows people to share more than just their career - the answer often includes their interests and the relationships that are dear to them. My answer starts with “I’m a multi-hyphenate” and rolls into the jobs I hold, my personal relationships, and the things I love.

  3. “Time outs” were something we dreaded as children, but they’re one of my most powerful mental health tools. When I’m having an insecure moment, I literally give myself a time out and hide in a bathroom to process the swirling of thoughts and to remind myself that no one is paying attention as much as I think they are. I usually journal in my Notes app about the specific things that are stressing me out, do a quick Superhuman meditation, and reapply my lip balm. I do this at home, at events, while traveling, and it’s really helped me steady me in any difficult moment.

The Little 9

  1. I’m so glad I picked up crafting again in the last month. It’s replaced my mindless scrolling on my phone habit by giving my hands something else to do.

  2. No one cares if you’re not drinking alcohol at an event or a dinner. But if you want a drink that blends in, my go-to is a club soda with bitters and lime, served in a wine glass.

  3. Mix a pump of serum (I love this one) with your foundation or skin tint for the most flawless looking skin.

  4. Bless Vanderpump Rules for the entertainment it provided this year. I’ve now fully caught up on the entire series since the reunion aired, and it really is the best mental release valve.

  5. A monochromatic outfit (especially in camel, gray, or a deep jewel tone) is the easiest way to look stylish. If you stumble upon a coordinating set you like, buy it in another color.

  6. The more time you spend off your phone, the better you will feel. I know we all instinctively know this, but we also need a reminder.

  7. Add champi (Ayurvedic scalp massage) to your evening routine. I do it every night (and use this hair oil when I’m washing my hair the next day). It helps me unwind and relax, and has made my hair grow faster and result in less fallout. I follow Kirti’s tutorial.

  8. If you’re tempted to buy something, drop the link in your Notes app and write why you want it and how you’d actually use it. If you still remember it one week later and still feel strongly about it, you can buy it. This tip has helped me curb my impulse shopping significantly.

  9. Are you reading romance novels yet? Please do, and please start with The Idea of You (it was my gateway and also it took me on such an emotional journey).

What We Read This Week

Hitha
Please forgive the lack of reviews, but that would make this newsletter even longer than it already is. I loved ALL of these books, highly recommend each of them, and apologize that most of them aren’t out yet but they’re worth the wait.

Jessica

  • The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker - I loved this book! Priya Parker, who facilitates high-powered gatherings all over the world, encourages us to reexamine why and how we gather and offers suggestions for making our events more meaningful and human-centered.

Top #5SmartReads Of The Week

The rest of the week’s reads (and conversations!) are below:

Your Questions, Answered
This post includes all the answers to folks’ hysterectomy questions, if you’d like to give it a read.

Favorite ice cream! 

  • Van Leeuwen Ice Cream’s honeycomb

  • Malai’s rose with cinnamon roasted almonds

  • A rainbow sprinkle cone from a Mister Softee

  • Moose Tracks has all my favorite things- chocolate, peanut butter, a swirl of caramel

One shoe to fit all the (or most) summer weddings. Sandals? Pumps? Black? Nude?
These Rebecca Allen strappy sandals (available in 5 shades of nude). They’re insanely comfortable, classic, and the only shoe you need for summer weddings.

Mind sharing a link to your super cute yellow midi dress?
Mine is an older style from M.M. LaFleur (which is no longer available) but this is a similar one that is the same happy color and a looser fit.

Thoughts on engagement/rings? Did you have it? Relict of old times? Confused modern girl.
I have one but I rarely wear it! I’ll put it on for fancy events or anniversary celebrations, but wear my Haverhill birthstone bands (one of each of my sons) and my Mejuri diamond thin dôme ring that my husband got me for our 10 year anniversary instead.

If I were getting engaged now, I’d probably opt for an eternity band as an engagement ring. Simple, classic, meaningful. But that’s just me- you should get what you want, since you’ll be the one wearing (or not wearing) it.

Best way to improve executive presence?
Executive presence is a byproduct of self-confidence and certainty in who you are, and that’s why the first 3 chapters of We’re Speaking cover this topic in detail!

The best tactical tip I can offer is to “borrow confidence”, a practice coined by my friend Darrah that I wrote about in the book but also practice on a near daily basis. Watch her Reel on this topic.

Hope you’re recovering well! How to not lose hope after D & C?
Be very kind and tender to yourself.

Mute accounts that are triggering (friends who are expecting, maternity content, etc) and triple up on meme accounts to get some laughs. Better yet, spend time offline and pick up books or watch shows that have nothing to do with pregnancy/growing a family.

Ask your OB for a therapist referral and for recommendations for those experienced in loss and grief in this space. Therapy helped me SO much.

Take your time and let your body and soul heal. There’s no timeline but you’re own.

Have you set an end date for the break you’re taking? So admire you hitting pause!
Taking a full 3 weeks off from all work (which feels very strange and weird!)

Taking the entire summer off from content & speaking- no sponsorship, no speaking gigs other than the MTHR summit. I will work on my book proposal when I feel inspired to do so, but I’m taking my time with it and not rushing the process this summer.

I’ll give myself September to get the kids settled back in school and in our routine, and re-evaluate from there!

Favorite spots in east village? Moved here for the summer with kiddos (8& 6)!

Not a downtown girl but Ilana Wiles used to live in the East Village and between her blog and IG, she’s bound to have some great recs for you!

My one EV gem is Sigiri, an amazing Sri Lankan restaurant that I love. It’s so good!

How did you know 2 kids was right for your family? Vs more? Sending <3.

We were on the fence right before the pandemic about a third. We didn’t revisit the topic until the end of 2020 when I had my first LEEP, and both of us were in full agreement that our family felt complete.

I feel lucky that this has always been our choice and we have been on the same page about it. Growing a family has so many challenges, and I just feel so grateful that we have our boys and each other.

Advice for surviving a five day work conference for a WFH lady.

If you need packing or outfit tips, here’s what I wore to a casual conference in Santa Barbara last month.

Schedule breaks for yourself- whether it’s breakfast and dinner, times where there aren’t interesting talks and you duck back to your room for some solo time, etc. Make sure you have some you time scheduled every day.

Go off property for at least one meal. No one wants to eat the same hotel food for 5 days. Explore a bit, if you’re able!

Bring a denim jacket or a comfortable, polished sweater because conference halls are freezing.

Script out follow up emails with placeholders for specific details from conversations, to make follow up easy. I like to jot notes about that person on the back of their business card.

Pack some snacks from home, in case the conference food is terrible. I love Aloha bars.

Have a wonderful long weekend!

xo,
HPN

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