issue #171 - the one where nothing's new

February 26, 2023

This week was an uneventful one. And I loved it.

I loved the morning rush with the boys, and easing into work softly (and was extremely grateful of the privilege of flexibility to start my day like this). I savored the evening snuggles reading The Tea Dragon Society to the boys (a beautiful cozy fantasy for kids), and then staying up way too late reading Zodiac Academy.

While I mostly lived in loungewear this week, I did enjoy getting dressed up for an overdue haircut and a lunch hosted by Motif to celebrate the official launch of my favorite cleanser (it’s a rare unicorn skincare product that’s designed for ALL skin types - use code HITHA15 to get 15% off your first order).

I used to resent normal, low-key weeks like these. I’d feel a wave of FOMO as I scrolled and tapped through posts of folks at events or out to eat. I’d numb those feelings with a glass of wine while cooking (and another while eating), and stay up too late watching a show that I was paying little attention to as I continued to scroll. The next time I went out to a dinner or an event, I’d feel the pressure to document every moment instead of fully experiencing it, and sipping wine or a cocktail to mask my anxious feelings stemming from feeling like I needed to be somebody special.

As much as I resent the disruption of the pandemic to life globally, I’m deeply grateful for the experiences I had the past 3 years and the lessons I’ve learned from them. One of those lessons is that weeks like are not just necessary, but ones I need to prioritize before and after the busier, social, Instagram-worthy ones that I have coming up (such as speaking at SXSW in two weeks).

These weeks are incredibly restorative, and allow me to precharge for the busier weeks ahead. And it was far from perfect (I chose reading over sleep, delivery over cooking some days, and workouts often happened right before school pickup), a week like this was necessary. More importantly, I treasured the little moments that I usually take for granted or ignore.

I also want to recognize how much privilege contributes to me being able to savor moments like this - in having teams at work and at home to keep things running smoothly and the financial privilege to order meals without much of a thought. Privilege is a significant factor in how I get to live my life, and it’s something I am grateful for and recognize every day.

In this week’s Instagram Q&A, someone asked how I prevent burnout. I now realize that weeks like this being the norm (not the exception) are a vital part of preventing burnout. In my experience, burnout was the result of a lack of boundaries (or ignoring them), in saying yes to all the things and trying to do them all. Boundaries are fortified by your physical, mental, and emotional health, which are based on the habits you practice every day or regularly (and not having habits is a habit itself). I shared the habits and practices that have helped me build and sustain my system in the post below, and have really loved learning about your practices as well. Join the conversation:

What I Read This Week

Zodiac Academy (books 2-6) by Caroline Peckham & Susanne Valenti - I both love and loathe Becca for recommending this book series to me, as it has taken over my life. When raging hormones, magic, a TRULY EVIL father (the King of Hyburn and Maeve have nothing on this jerk) collide, it is in this book series and I have been staying up far too late reading them this week. Becca did mention how she skimmed the final books in the series, which is what I’ll be doing this weekend and next week to wrap it up and reclaim my brain from obsessing over Tory and Dary and the Heirs (though I will miss Geraldine and her ridiculously amusing phrases). If you loved ACOTAR, I highly recommend Zodiac Academy and warn you that it will consume your life.

What Everyone Else Read This Week

Zara

  • One Day In December by Josie Silver- I typically read thrillers in the colder months, but right now I just feel like I need sweet, romantic reads. This book absolutely delivered. It's light and lovely, like a rom-com in book form. It would make a fantastic movie or limited series and I hope it gets onscreen treatment soon.

Julie

  • The Gone-Away World by Nick Harkaway- This is a bit of a throwback, but I recently reread The Gone-Away World. It's a "lose yourself entirely" kind of read, set in an apocalyptic future where nothing is as it seems...and it's also somehow VERY funny. One of my favorites.

Top #5SmartReads Of The Week

The rest of the week’s reads (and conversations!) are below:

Your Questions, Answered

ShoppingA gentle reminder that many of these questions have been answered and products are linked on my LTK profile! If you want to be alerted when products go on sale, just tap the heart on the product or post. You can also find all my discount codes here.

Recommendation for lipstick to start out with for a historically non-lipstick wearer?

  • Clinique Black Honey has been an icon for decades because it gives you just a hint of color and is universally flattering. 

  • Wander Beauty’s lip oil is so hydrating. Tan Lines is a beautiful nude, and After Party is a blue-red that makes your teeth look whiter. 

  • If you want something matte and hydrating, I love Saie Beauty’s lipstick. Classic is their blue-red, and Modern is a pretty rose-nude. I also love a berry lip and Pop is very pretty. 

  • Live Tinted Huesticks are foolproof to apply and buildable in color (use a light hand) I’m partial to Free (their berry shade)

Do you have a ruby tennis bracelet or am I making this up? Where from? I do! It was a gift from my mother, and she had it made in India. 

Some other options: 

Books

What books helped you stay positive during pregnancy? Especially 1st trimester. I curated a book bundle with Natalist featuring my favorite pregnancy books! I’d also add Angela Garbes’ Like A Mother to this list.

What’s your ranking for the 3 SJM [Sarah J. Maas] series? This is an impossible question! Let me answer this differently and describe the mood/vibe that each series gives me:

  • Throne of Glass is great to read when life is a bit slower and you want to commit to a series and get closure. It’s a great series to read when you’re cooped at home during the winter, or on a long vacation (I read a few of the books during our holiday vacation)

  • A Court of Thorns and Roses - the dramatized adaptation audiobooks by Graphic Audio are a perfect thing to read in spring and when you’re out and about and taking long walks. I think I will always be re-listening to this series, and I’m not mad about it.

  • Crescent City - By picking this up now, you are choosing chaos because the ending of book 2 is the biggest cliffhanger and you will likely go back and read the other two series again (or commit to author Nalini Singh’s Psy-Changeling and Psy-Changeling Trinity series because you need that contemporary fantasy romance and you need it now)

Career

Got a new job! How to negotiate a different title and/or new salary? Bad to do both?I recommend adapting the script shared in this Reel to initiate the conversation with respect and clarity. It’s how I would open the negotiation, and I want to remind you that you don’t get what you don’t ask for, and to ask for something that scares you a little bit. Use websites like Glassdoor and Fairygodboss to research the salaries at your company and for the job title you have and want, and ask for the upper number in those ranges.

There’s a chapter about this in the Ladies Get Paid book, and I also recommend the book in general for anyone looking for a solid resource for career advancement and development.

I just got laid off, any blanket advice?First of all, I want to hold space for you to just feel your feelings, and I’m sorry this happened to you. I was laid off early in my career from Cisco, and it stung (but also prompted me to start working for my father, which launched both my life sciences career and my content career).

Give yourself time to wallow and process. Something I do when I’m feeling lost is writing a letter to present day me from future me. I like to start each letter with where I am and what I’m doing (Future Hitha is, for some reason, on a yacht sailing in turquoise blue waters, wearing a caftan and sipping sparkling water with lime). From there, the letter flows into an acknowlegement of what happened and some expression of empathy, and then I end up writing whatever advice I need at that moment. I know it sounds very woo woo, but give it a try!

Here are some other resources that can help you during this time:

  • Julia Lynch (@smarterinasec) offers stellar resume editing and career transition coaching. She recently helped a good friend of mine transition from running an independent jewelry company to working in technology sales. I can’t recommend her more highly!

  • If you’re in technology sales and are looking for a new role, GrowthQ is an amazing new company that matches talent to mentors. It’s a great way to build out your network and potentially find your next role!

  • Financial Feminist is an excellent book about personal finance, and worth a read as you deal with the 401k rollover and adjusting your budget during this time.

  • I also recommend following Esther Ayorinde, Alan Stein, and Leslie Venetz over on LinkedIn - they share great recruiting advice, when you’re ready to jump into the job search.

NYC / TravelAll of my NYC and travel recommendations are saved in the Out Of Office app, under my username @hitha (you can even book reservations within the app!)

Going to NYC from Philly for the day for a Broadway show. Where to eat? Go birds!If you want to stay in the Time Squares area here are a few gems:

I would personally recommend venturing west to Hell’s Kitchen and try some of my old favorites:

Go Birds! (always and forever)

Vacation suggestions with a 4 month old?Aruba is beautiful and so chill! We stayed at the Ritz-Carlton there in a suite with club access - never left the property but just chilled and it was really nice. 

I’ve heard excellent things about the Kimpton Seafire Resort, and their babysitters in particular! 

The babysitters at Palmaïa: The House of Aia are amazing (they bring the babies to the kids club when they're awake, and all are trained by the founder of the Waldorf school on the property). It’s also just an hour from the Cancún airport.

I highly recommend working with a travel agent. Nancy Deane is a FORA travel advisor and mom who’s been traveling with her children since they were babies! You’re in great hands with her. 

May you find the beauty in the boring moments, get some rest, and pick up Vampire Academy only if you’re ready for your life to be consumed for the next few weeks.

xo,HPN

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