issue #164 - the one on accountability

January 08, 2023

This word is a bit of a double-edged sword, and I am NOT talking about personal accountability when it comes to the things we say and do and the consequences they may bear.

I’m talking about the other version - the kind of accountability that helps you establish habits, build a different lifestyle, and achieve your goals.

Two years ago, my Dry January accountability groups helped me take a much-needed break from that evening glass of wine that crept into 2, then 3 during the first year of the pandemic. That experience - and repeating Dry January again last year and this year - are helping me establish a different relationship with drinking that feels aligned with who I am and who I want to be.

While I was writing and editing We’re Speaking, my friend Rebecca was hard at work on The Modern Loss Handbook. We checked in daily over text about our word count or goals for the day, and sent supportive messages to each other to help us stay focused and on task. I can’t speak for Rebecca, but I still revisit screenshots from some of her texts that were so kind and motivating.

I have a million other examples of how accountability or core groups have helped me achieve any goal (small and big ones alike). And when I think about what I want this platform and community to stand for, helping one another live their best lives - on their terms - is at the core of it.

I’m really excited to be partnering with obé this month, and part of the collaboration is hosting an accountability group for those who want to build or grow their fitness practice. This group will be hosted on WhatsApp - you can pick whichever program that fits your interest or goal (I’m personally doing the Gym Program and the Core Challenge), and we’ll have regular check-ins to help one another stay on track. If you want to join this group, just hit reply and let me know! We’ll kick things off on Monday morning.

If you have a different goal (Dry January, eating more nutritiously, sleeping more, reading more, or something I haven’t rattled off), I’m using the subscription feature on Instagram to host accountability groups there (the subscription is $2.99/month). On this platform, participants will get daily check-ins via Instagram Stories (only for subscribers), small DM groups based on common goals, and exclusive Q&A with me (every question will be answered and you can DM me if you’d like to ask it privately). You can subscribe here, and things will be kicked off on Monday.

And for the sake of transparency, here are some of my goals and the linchpin habits (habits that have a positive spillover effect) that I’m focused on building to live with more ease (my word of 2023):

My focus for Q1 this year is to improve my health (to keep my A1C levels in healthy range and to be able to keep up with my very energetic kids). Here are the linchpin habits I’m establishing to achieve that goal:

  • Consume 100 grams of protein a day. MyFitnessPal has been a really helpful app for me to track this, though I wish they had a paid feature that would let me just focus on this single metric versus all the data (I can get a little obsessive when I have too much data at my fingertips). This goal has helped me actually eat breakfast on a regular basis, be proactive about snacks (which has helped minimize my hangry moments), and just feel better.

  • Do 3 strength workouts a week. I’m doing obé’s Gym Strong program and I LOVED the first week (the warm up is a part of the class and I love that a notes page pops up after the workout for you to easily log the weights you used in the workout). I end up doing low impact cardio workouts and yoga on the days I’m not lifting because I actually want to (and because I need to flush the lactic acid out).

  • Doing Dry January again. Last year, I found myself preferring a Lyre’s non-alcoholic cocktail or a glass of De Soi when I’m at home, and I observed that I tended to overindulge in alcohol in social settings with new folks or at larger parties and events. I want to eliminate alcohol from these larger settings and find new ways of overcoming these anxious feelings in other ways (and until Lyre’s is more commonly available in restaurants and events, I’ll be sticking with a club soda with lime and bitters and a squeeze of my Equilibria drink drops).

If you want some extra support to build your best life on your terms, I hope you join us! There’s a whole cliche about a goal without a plan is just a dream, but it rings true for me. I want all of us to succeed and I know we can - especially if we help one another.

Cheesy? Yes. But I’m a cheeseball and I’m not afraid to admit it.

What I Read This WeekI read a LOT over the holiday break, so please excuse the brevity of these reviews.

  • Legends and Lattes by Travis Baldree - an orc leaves her fighting ways to open a coffeeshop. It sounds odd, but it was a DELIGHT. I think 2023 is going to be my cozy fantasy year.

  • Partners In Crime by Alisha Rai - this one was billed as Indian Matchmaking meets Date Night, and it sums it up perfectly and it is such a joyful read. Highly recommend listening to this one.

  • The Vibrant Years by Sonali Dev - books that both highlight Indian culture and the women who live life on their terms are some of my favorites, and this was superb. I loved these three generations of women and the Bollywood drama they find themself in, and I very much need a screen adaptation of it!

  • Red Widow by Alma Katsu - I go in and out of my spy thriller moods and this one drew me in immediately - especially with two women main characters. Fans of the latest season of Jack Ryan will especially love this one.

  • Throne of Glass (books 2-5) by Sarah J Maas - I finally picked this series back up after 4 months and I had to pause because reading these books and watching Jack Ryan was a little too much for me (but you better believe I’m picking them back up next week). I’ve come to expect Maas’ twists and turns and also not see some coming at all, and her series are a journey that basically takes over my life and I’m very okay with it. I can’t wait to finish this one.

  • Drinking Games by Sarah Levy - this wasn’t an easy read for me, but it’s likely the most impactful book I will read this year. I’ve been a lot more aware of how/when/why I drink these past two years. The security blanket drink in social settings is something I’m ready to drop for good, and Sarah’s own stories and commentary gives me a lot of strength and empathy to tackle it head on.

  • Manifest by Roxie Nafousi - a very quick read (or listen) for those drawn to the concept of manifesting. I shared more of my thoughts here, but I highly recommend it and I even bought some of Roxie’s meditations and affirmations.

What Everyone Else Read This Week

  • Loved: How to Rethink Marketing for Tech Products by Martina Lauchengco - Shoutout to Chedva Kleinhandler at Rooms & Words for turning me onto this book! The majority of my current clients are in the tech sector and - as someone with numerous degrees, none of which are related to business or marketing - reading texts written by people in these spaces is proving very helpful. If you're looking for a new perspective on these industries, I'd recommend this read!

Top #5SmartReads Of The Week

The rest of the week’s reads + last week’s (and conversations!) are below:

Your Questions, Answered

What’s your hype song of the moment?Naatu Naatu! It’s taken the top spot on my hype playlist!

Your favorite travel bag?All of my favorite work/travel totes are linked here!

Luggage - my Away carry-on is still going strong, nearly 8 years later. So is the iFLY Luggage set I got 5 years ago. My husband and cousin (both travel A LOT) swear by the Briggs & Riley Baseline, which has one of the greatest warranties.

Would you invest in real estate right now? Thoughts on the market! By invest in real estate I mean buy an apartment. Just got married and tired of renting! Thank you! This is such a personal choice and so dependent on your circumstances and your plans for the future.

Ramit has so much good content about buying vs. renting that I would recommend you and your partner watch/listen to together.

There are benefits AND downsides to renting and homeownership. How you weigh them as a couple is up to you both. While housing prices are stabilizing, interest rates are higher than they were a couple of years ago and I don’t know how long they’ll remain this level or potentially increase.

Places in the US except Orlando to visit with 3-4 year old!So many places! Here are spots we’ve traveled or plan to travel with the kids that we’ve had a great time:

New York (very kid friendly)Philadelphia (so many great museums, walkable, amazing food- stay at The Logan)Washington DC (same same)Atlanta CharlestonChicagoTraverse City, MI (Carly Hill has all the best recs)San Diego SeattlePortlandDenver and go up to the mountainsHoustonPalm SpringsI’d also ask my friend Nancy Deane (who’s a Fora travel advisor) to help book something- she’s been traveling with her kids since they were tiny and has the best recommendation and taste!

European county to visit with 3-4 year old! I can only vouch for visiting London with a kid this age, but here are some places I’ve traveled to or want to travel that seem very kid-friendly for this age:

CopenhagenEdinburghPortugalParis and the South of FranceCanary Islands(Again, Nancy Deane will take good care of you)

Have you been using your self care menu? I rely on the self-care menu during my busiest or most stressful moments. I’m taking these next two months to establish a new pace for my work and life. My filter for what I say yes to is more selective than it has been so I have the time and energy to prioritize my health and hobbies alongside with my jobs and family time. 

Part of me views last year as the ultimate career year, and if I never meet or exceed the accomplishments that I had last year, I’d be happy still.

This post details more about my menu of self-care (something I learned from Amanda Nguyen) and is an incredible toolkit for when you don’t have a lot of time or energy but need to take care of yourself (bookmark it for future reference!)

Which iron supplements do you take? How do you take iron with AG?I take the Natalist iron (it’s a carbonyl iron that’s easier to digest and doesn’t cause constipation the way sulfa-based iron supplements do)

I take my iron when I drink my Athletic Greens every morning - AG1 is an incredible nutritional drink, but I need more iron than it contains. My physician cleared this routine for me, and please always talk to yours before starting any supplement!

What podcasts are you listening to nowadays? That Desi Spark South Asain TrailblazersFreckled Foodie and Friends Pod (I really admire Cameron Oaks Rogers vulnerability and boundaries in terms of sharing her parenting and mental health journey while protecting her peace and son’s privacy. Siffat Haider’s Dream BiggerShe Wakes Up At 5 AMSecond Life PodcastBad on Paper PodcastForever 35 Podcast (was such a pinch me moment to be on it last year!)Aliza Licht’s Leave Your Mark (another pinch me moment)Melissa Wood Tepperberg’s Move With Heart

If the subject or interview interests me, I’ll jump into Tim Ferris’s or Ed Mylett’s podcast.

I’d also recommend following the Smart Whatever Show (hint hint).

Go to beach bag?Honestly it’s the French market woven bag that I got when I was in LA getting a custom pair of sandals made at AMANU Studio. This one is very similar!

Thoughts on the transition from 1 to 2 kids? It’s a lot - a lot of joy, a lot of physical and emotional pain, a lot of late nights, a lot of dishes, and a lot of love.

Looking back on it now, I’m incredibly grateful for my family and my amazing support system who jumped in a helped however I needed them to help (and were receptive when I shared a postpartum plan that my therapist and I made to support my mental health during that vulnerable time). I had the insane privilege of SO much help, which made that fourth trimester period really enjoyable, honestly.

My friend Catherine Brown is a new mom of 2 and shares so much amazing content and reflections of this period of having a toddler and a newborn (as well as so many smart things as well). I highly recommend following her in general, but especially if you want to see what the transition REALLY looks like.

Newly engaged and looking for wedding planning resources. Any recommendations? Kristina Rodulfo has documented her wedding planning journey in meticulous detail- highly recommend checking out her highlights on wedding planning!

I don’t know how I ended up on WeddingTok but TikTok has some amazing wedding inspiration ideas or content.

I also love Vogue Wedding features- they’re stunning and a great place to find some inspiration.

I also think following some wedding photographers is a great start- Dorothee and Annabel, Laura and Time Sullivan, Charmi Patel Pena are artists I would book in a heartbeat when we do a vow renewal. My wedding photographer Gabriel Gastelum is amazing but does more editorial work these days.

Thoughts on the IG algorithm and how reach is hard for content creators? I have to pull myself from my complaints about the algorithm and to focus on creating the content I want to see, and focus my efforts on building my own list so I have my relationship with my community off the platform.

I follow Brock and Jera for best practices on how to create compelling content and growing your audience- highly recommend their accounts and their content!

How do you feel about the speaker nonsense? Foreboding or entertaining? It was entertaining at first, but there are real ramifications- without a Speaker of the House, bills passed by DC’s council have to be sent to the President of the House for a congressional review period.

We cannot get the job of governing without the House of Representatives sworn in.

It’s a scary preview of the dysfunction to expect over the next two years.

I hope you have a wonderful rest of your weekend, and an even better week!

xo,HPN

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