issue #161 - the one seeking ease

December 03, 2022

I really needed a week like the one I had.

I was asleep by 10 most nights, having read for an hour in bed. I had extraordinarily productive work blocks while plodding along on my Walking Pad. I cooked most of my meals (scrambled eggs with cottage cheese and chili crisp is an excellent breakfast, if you’re looking for one).

I also ate small bowls of M&Ms during marathon writing sessions, watched too many episodes of The Crown (more about that later), and got lost in TikTok and Instagram. These moments matter just as much as the former ones, and both kinds of moments - the productive and the leisurely - are necessary and important.

I was thinking about the hustle cult quite a bit this week, especially with the announcement of Forbes 30 Under 30 and Fast Company’s Most Productive Issue. Rahaf sums up my exact feelings on the cult of hustle:

In yesterday’s 5SR, I had shared that this was one of the best professional years, and one of the hardest years in terms of my health (numerous depressive episodes, more migraines, and many emotional pad thai and Taco Bell deliveries). It’s only now that I see how intertwined the two are, and I sacrificed my health in the pursuit of external markers of success - revenue, growth, awards.

I have an extraordinary amount of privilege that helped me accomplish these things and to seek the care and help I need, and I’m very aware and very grateful for it.

So what am I doing about it?

To start, I am seeking more ease in my life. I still have big goals, but I’m going to take my time in pursuing them and to test the waters before I commit. I’m taking the next few months to be laser focused on Rhoshan Pharma activities and maintaining #5SmartReads, and focusing on my health and family. I’m going full hygge and am bookmarking soup recipes, digging out puzzles and the craft projects I’ve stress-purchased over the past couple of years, and lighting the fancy candles that I hoard for a random special occasion.

I flamed out a lot this year, and need an off-season of narrow work and taking care of myself. I still have big goals and plans, but I also need to find a new way of working and living that is sustainable and isn’t making me unwell.

And I extend this to anyone who works with me - I’ll be checking in with my team members to see how they’re doing, re-evaluate company goals and individual workloads and adjust them as needed.

This is all I can do in the near term in order to be able to invest my time and energy in affecting change in a bigger way. In the past, I would ignore these limits and push myself to do more, more, more - and I’m not doing so great because of it.

And that’s okay. Frankly, we should be celebrating boundaries and prioritizing our well-being and taking care of ourselves the way we celebrate hustle and grinding and doing all the things.

And it starts with each of us. Consider this your permission slip to put yourself first, to say no to things, to go to sleep early, to read and watch and do the things that have been piling up on your lists, to wear the fancy pajamas and light the nice candles, and to put you first.

No one else is going to.

Products/rituals that help me stay grounded, focused, and productive:

  • My work mode ritual is still going strong! You can download my planning sheet here, and all the products are linked here. This is the sit/stand desk I have, and I’ve been walking on this walking pad when I’m not on calls. Walking while working has helps me get and stay into “deep work” mode, and I wrap up this work in a couple of hours.

  • None of this works if I get distracted by my phone, so the Forest app is my lifesaver. It’s a Pomodoro timer that basically locks you out of your phone (or else you kill a tree), and it never fails to help me stay focused and finish said deep work.

  • CBD has been an incredibly powerful tool for me to manage my stress, sleep, and overall well-being. Part of my work mode ritual is taking my Equilibria daily gummy and energy capsule. I’m sure there’s a bit of a placebo effect here, but I feel a marked difference in how well I focus and a boost in my mood and energy levels when I take these versus when I don’t. The same goes for their sleep products - when I take my sleep gummies and extra strength daily drops, my quality of sleep is so much better than when I don’t. 

  • Rahaf’s book Hustle & Float is one I come back to whenever I’ve overcommitted and am burned out. With books like these, I encourage you to focus on incorporating one of the author’s tips at a time, and returning to the book when you need a refresher or are ready to add on a new tip. Laura Vanderkam’s new book Tranquility by Tuesday is another amazing book about living and working with more ease.

  • While I’m all about my own planning pages and Remarkable tablet now, my Silk + Sonder planner helped me establish a more mindful way of working. If you don’t know where to start but need to start, I highly recommend the planner and the app!

This Week’s Links

  • If you’re still holiday shopping, #5SmartGifts is here to help! From that family member who doesn’t want you to spend money to the passive-aggressive folks in your life, I’ve got you covered.

  • Our family’s favorite way to kick off the holiday season is to enjoy the Santa Steam Spectacular in New Hope and drive through the light show at Shady Brook Farm. If you live near Philly or NYC, I can’t recommend it more! I also endorse this cozy festive look for the day (or any day in December, really)

  • The best habit stack in the morning is mixing and drinking your AG1 while listening to Affirmation Song (from Snoop Dogg’s kids program). 

  • Some quick meals and snacks that were tasty and satisfying and FAST:

    • I highly recommend follow @abbeyskitchen and @collegenutritionist, whose content has me considering the mix of protein/carbs/fiber/fat in my meals more thoughtfully (instead of ordering what my heart desires, and my heart usually desires Taco Bell or pad thai)

    • Adding cottage cheese to all the things - scrambled eggs, macaroni and cheese, even pasta sauce - has been my jam lately. Cottage cheese scrambled eggs with Fly By Jing chili crisp has been my go-to breakfast or lunch all week, paired with toast and berries (or spinach in the eggs!)

    • Heat Splendid Spoon’s tomatillo chili and brown rice taco bowl in a skillet and add a can of black beans, some fresh spinach, and top with Greek yogurt, avocado, cheese, hot sauce, and Fritos.

    • For the kids: chop veggies (or defrost some frozen ones, in my case) and let your kids make their own pizzas with Banza pizza crusts. My children are in a picky phase, but letting them “decorate” pizzas gets them to eat vegetables and I am so here for it.

    • Aloha’s protein bars are the rare ones that taste good, have a great balance of protein/carbs/fiber/fat, and ingredients I would eat on their own. The white chocolate peppermint ones are the holidays in snack form, and I’m obsessed.

  • I had the honor of being interviewed by Keys Soulcare and shared what’s bringing me joy, my favorite rituals, and ambition. 

  • I spent most of this week in athleisure, but I did dress up for a holiday party at Rho’s school and the premiere of My Unorthodox Life. All items are linked here.

What I Read This Week

  • A Merry Little Meet Cute by Julie Murphy and Sierra Simone - If you live in the middle of the Venn diagram of people who love Hallmark Christmas movies and Rosie Danan’s The Roommate, you will absolutely love this book. And if you also love books that challenge narratives about the queer community and sex work head on, you will also love this book. Bee (an adult film star) and Nick (a boy band member gone bad boy looking for a clean comeback) find themselves on set of a Hallmark-esque Christmas movie, and you can guess what happens next. It is spicy and delightful and positive and pretty perfect. I loved it.

  • American Queen by Sierra Simone - reverse harems (one woman, multiple men) are a new sub-genre for me this year. It’s very difficult to find a storyline that makes it make sense. Katee Robert’s Court of the Vampire Queen was one example of a reverse harem being totally logical, and American Queen - a modern day retelling of King Arthur-Guinavere-Lancelot - is another. Now, the thing with RH books is that they have some level of a dom-sub storyline, with the woman always being the sub. I love my female leads to be strong and relentless, so while this isn’t my preferred trope or theme in romance, I appreciate that it is logical within this genre and I did like this book - but there are other books I’m eager to read instead of continuing on with this series immediately. 

  • The Queen: Her Life by Andrew Morton - I know I said that I was saving this book for the holiday break, but I just couldn’t stop reading it. Morton’s words painted the most detailed mental picture of these moments of Queen Elizabeth’s long life and reign - both the high moments and the low ones. It’s evocative, detailed, and while it’s more restrained than The Crown, it’s just as satisfying (if not more). I really enjoyed jumping to specific episodes of the earlier seasons of The Crown and watching them while reading the book, and I highly recommend doing the same. 

What Everyone Else Read This Week

  • The New Moosewood Cookbook by Mollie Katzen- I've been trying to eat a lot more variety of vegetables and do so in a way more exciting than roasting them ad nauseum. This cookbook has so many ideas on preparing them in enticing ways, including with Asian and African flavor profiles. I have been intentionally trying to take a more thoughtful approach to how my family eats, and this has been really inspiring.

Top #5SmartReads Of The Week

The rest of the week’s reads + last week’s (and conversations!) are below:

Your Questions, Answered

What resort did you stay at in Turks & CaicosWe stayed at Ambergris Cay

Pros: the chef is from Hyderabad and made the most incredible dinner, the services staff was amazing, and the island is really relaxing and peaceful. I like that they have a lot of activities like boat charters and water sports included with you stay.

Cons: same breakfast and lunch menu (I didn’t mind, but you may!), the water pressure and drainage speed in the villa we stayed in was low, and dinners are a multi course experience which is amazing for adults, but not great for my two little ones.

We had a wonderful time! I do recommend it, but wanted to share the latter feedback in full disclosure.

What is the secret to wearing a dupatta properly? Reading this as I sit in a sea of fabric and safety pins. Pleat the dupatta and iron and pin it in place first before pinning it on you, if it’s a stiffer fabric. Tia does this for sarees, and I’ve used her techniques on heavier and thicker dupattas.

For a thinner dupatta, use a microstitch gun! It is a game changer and I thank Mary Orten Scudellari every single time I use mine.

What’s on your Christmas wish list this year?This is my list, which is in my gift guide!

Do you have a holiday TBR? The book you shared last week is on my list!

Becca’s recommendations are also excellent, and I can’t wait to add HER book to my list next year!

New Formula 1 fan, podcasts, newsletters, resources. Thanks! WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME!

The best place to start is with Lily Herman Choosing Sides F1 podcast, if you’re just getting started. Also recommend watching the latest season of Drive To Survive on Netflix.

I also loooooove Lilly’s Engine Failure newsletter newsletter and Patreon, and The Vincenzo’s F1 newsletter as well. @twogirls1formula is one of my favorite F1 accounts and pods too.

Abby Rakshit is my other F1 girlie who I incessantly DM whenever there’s news, so give her a follow!

Last- Lauren Asher’s Dirty Air series is perfection.

Any recs for workout leggings other than Lululmon?

Do you have a code for Haverhill collection? Asking for a friend ;)

I do! My Haverhill code is hitha15 for 15% off, and they produce and ship fairly quickly!

Tips on accepting post-baby bodyGet some clothes that fit you in this phase, and make you feel good! This is where renting clothes makes SO much sense and I love Armoire so much (their founder Ambika recently had a baby, so check out her profile for what she rented when she was postpartum). I also love Nesara caftans- they’re comfy, pretty, and amazing for postpartum and beyond (also a South Asain woman-founded business - hitha gets you $10 off your order!)

This might sound hoaky but saying “thank you” to the body parts you’re insecure about was something that helped me. You just grew and birthed a human! Your body has literally done something miraculous!

Focus on strength versus snapping back. Myri Health was created for this exact reason and its founder Dr. Pinkey Patel is a mom, pharmacist, and certified trainer in pre/post-natal training who built such an amazing platform.

May you say no, set boundaries, and find a bit of ease this weekend!

xo,HPN

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