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  • issue #159 - the one on influence, attention, and finding a balance

issue #159 - the one on influence, attention, and finding a balance

November 19, 2022

#5SmartGifts is live! I’ve handpicked 5 gifts for every category you asked for (and added a few categories of my own). I hope you find it helpful, and I’ll be updating the list with discount codes and Black Friday/Cyber Monday promotions as they go live!

I find it amusing and slightly tragic that I am highly influenced. And TikTok has sent this into overdrive.

My Kindle Unlimited selections are all taken by books recommended on TikTok (with an embarrassing number of screenshots in my Photos app of books to read one day). Treadmill struts have been the only workouts I have any desire to do these days (the Selena Gomez one is my favorite).

Did TikTok drive me ask my therapist to perform an ADHD screen on me? Yes. Have I purchased a bunch of books on the topic in the hopes that it magically transforms my life? Absolutely.

And did I just purchase - and watch - a course called Healthy Happy ADHD? I did, within just 5 minutes of stumbling upon Lisa Dee’s account. While much of her advice is content you’ve likely heard before, I love how the content is neatly organized and I can easily jump to a specific lesson when I need a pep talk or a bit of motivation.

Our time - and therefore our attention - is the most precious resource any of us have. We never know how much time we have on this planet. We can’t get the time already spent back. And with so many things hijacking our attention - both online and offline - it’s no wonder we feel overwhelmed and stuck in cycles that don’t serve us.

I’m in one of them. The only healthy habit I’ve been able to stick with is my daily Athletic Greens. I’m not meditating. I’m barely moving (hence the impulse purchase of the walking pad). I’ve been comfort eating too much Taco Bell and Thai delivery. I’m finally sleeping again, now that Rhaki is over his stomach bug.

When I’m stuck in one of these cycles, I tend to spend more time on social media. The dopamine hits I get with every comment or DM feels so good and makes me want more. I genuinely find joy in House of the Dragon and F1 TikTok (the latter has made me a Danny Ricc fan - damn you all). I am deep in a professional athlete romance hole that I’m not at all mad about. I do not believe anyone should deprive themselves of what feels good, but I do need to create some boundaries and find other rituals that comfort and bring joy that keeps my dopamine levels at a steady state, instead of spikes and crashes.

The walking pad isn’t going to change my life, nor will Onrise (the habit tracking app I downloaded). Neither will a new vision board (though I am starting to collect pictures and phrases for my 2023 one).

I think we give things like these too much power over us - I know I’m guilty of feeling that a particular planner or journal or book will magically transform my life, and have the tendency to chase the shiny new thing. It’s only in writing this that I realize that I need to better respect myself AND my time.

Easier said than done. But knowing what I need to do first? That’s a start.

This Week’s Links

  • I’ve been feeling this outfit lately (most of the items are linked here, and the tunic is linked here)

  • Every weekday started with my Gentle Monday ritual (links to all the products here, and the YouTube video here).

  • My only job for Thanksgiving was to get the wine, and I ordered a couple of cases from Naidu Wines, which makes the most delicious pinot noir I’ve ever tasted and made by a South Asian woman. It may be too late to purchase some for Thanksgiving, but I highly recommend placing an order for the rest of the holiday season! I also ordered and shipped a case of De Soi to my parents’ house.

  • I learned about “commute baths” from my friend Amanda. While they don’t happen daily, they’ve been really amazing at helping me mentally shift from work mode to mom mode with greater calm and control. You can shop my commute bath essentials here, and HITHA10 gets you 10% off your Weezie towels order (and works for already discounted bundles!)

  • My Shark FlexStyle is the reason I cancelled my Drybar membership and haven’t gotten a blowout in months - and I’m terrible at doing my own hair! It’s about 1/3 the price of a Dyson Airwrap and just as powerful (comparing it to my Dyson hairdryer), and I love that the FlexStyle has a diffuser attachment (for my curly haired friends) and the hinge on its neck is great when using the nozzle or smoothing attachment.

  • This dress is one I’m glad to have on hand, especially when I’m invited to a gala and the dress code is “festive attire.” I wore it to the Equality NOW 30th anniversary gala this week (and to make Rho naan pizza for dinner before I left), and it really is a perfect dress for holidays or when you need to shine. I paired it with these fancy shoes and my favorite Brandon Blackwood bag.

I share links to my outfits, my Reels, and answer your burning questions on my LTK profile! If that’s your jam, give me a follow.

What I Read This Week

  • The Cheat Sheet by Sarah Adams - friends to lovers! Football players with hearts of gold! Fake dating! This one had all the tropes and was an absolute delight. Bree and Nathan have been best friends since high school, when they literally ran into each other on the school’s track one early Tuesday morning. They would both find themselves in LA - Bree running a dance studio, Nathan playing quarterback in the NFL, and find themselves in a fake dating situation that is expectantly absurd and delightful.

  • Create Your Bright Ideas by Jess Ekstrom - Rho quickly claimed this book as his own. And while Jess wrote it for kids and teens in mind to cultivate a creative and entrepreneurial mindset, I bought another copy for myself. It’s a gem of a workbook that anyone who’s feeling a little lost could benefit from, and I’m trying to shift from mindlessly picking up the phone and scrolling social media and to instead pick up this book and color or do one of the journaling exercises. I also had the great honor to joining Jess for an IG Live on her publication date - give it a watch!

  • One Bold Move a Day by Shanna A. Hocking - I had the privilege of reading an advanced copy of this book and offering a blurb, and I read it again this week after attending Shanna’s book launch on Wednesday (and finally being able to give my fellow Philly woman the biggest hug). For as impressive as Shanna is (she’s a leading nonprofit fundraiser and now runs her own practice), she is even more kind and generous and open about what worked for her in her career, what didn’t, and offering a brilliant guide that can help anyone in any stage of their career. It’s a great book for yourself AND a great gift to give this holiday season.

What Everyone Else Read This Week

  • Blood Will Tell by Heather Chavez- This book had a bit of a cliche’ and slow start that revolved around teenagers drinking in the woods. But then there was a turning point, when something that happened 5 years prior comes back to haunt the sisters, and it I couldn’t put it down. The dynamic between these this boundary-less due is very relatable, even though I don’t have a sister… we all have that one person we’d protect at all costs. You’ll have to read this thriller to figure out if Frankie will risk literally everything for her younger, trouble-finding, sister, Izzy.

Top #5SmartReads Of The Week

The rest of the week’s reads + last week’s (and conversations!) are below:

Your Questions, Answered

Are you raising you boys to be bilingual?If they are able to understand Telugu fully, I’ll consider that a win for us!

I’m not disciplined enough to speak in Telugu to them exclusively, but I do try to speak it as much as possible and play Telugu to them exclusively, but I do try to speak it as much as possible and play Telugu music around the house.

How to deal with on sided friendship?If you think the friendship is worth fighting for, I would meet (in person or over FaceTime) to talk and for you to share how you’re feeling. Before you mention how you’re feeling, ask how things are with that friend, and what’s going on in their life. It may not be you at all, but something bigger that they haven’t told you about yet.

I do subscribe the theory that friendships last for a reason, season, or lifetime. We go into friendships hoping for a lifelong one, but sometimes they run their course and no longer serve one or both parties.

Sending you love. Friendships are just as important - if not more - than romantic relationships, with a much bigger gray area.

What are your favorite self help books?I’m quite partial to We’re Speaking! I also recommend The Myth of the Nice Girl, Drop the Ball, On The Edge, Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies, The Light We Carry, and One Bold Move a Day.

Any warmer weather road trip destinations for Christmas break (from NY)That’d be a long road trip!

If you’re up for it, South Carolina is definitely more mild than NY and absolutely charming - I love Charleston, and have had some wonderful family vacations in Hilton Head and Kiawah Island. Palmetto Bluff is high on our list of places to travel to as a family.

How are you thinking about what 2023 will hold for you?Other than being proactive about blocking off more personal time to focus on my physical and mental health, I’m focused on building on the progress we’ve made in Rhoshan Pharma, with #5SmartReads, and my speaking and writing careers.

I also have some fun projects in the works with The Riveter - stay tuned!

What are your favorite pajamas/loungewear?I’m almost obsessedly loyal to my Latuza sets, both pajamas and loungewear. Amazing quality, great price point, and I’ve been obsessed with them for over 6 years now.

Ohh! Been meaning to ask you for your thoughts on OTC kids medicines and the “clean” brands out there that are marketing alternatives to Motrin/ Tylenol etc.You can get dye-free branded Tylenol and Motrin, which is what we get for our kids when it’s available!

I honestly haven't done enough research on Genexa or Kindermed (and I’m always wary of celebrity-founded brands, but especially in the medical space) and honestly have more trust in biopharma who have decades of experience in manufacturing these products and a big pharmacovigilance department.

Many of the inactive ingredients that aren’t present in Genexa or Kindermed’s formulations are important ingredients to solubilize and stabilize the actives, like propylene glycol, disodium EDTA, sorbitol. The amount of these ingredients present in these medicines are well below any sort of toxic level, and only given when needed like a fever or cold. Outside of citric acid, I don’t see any solubilizers or stabilizers in their formulations, which gives me pause about the long-term stability or effectiveness of these products once they’ve been opened and exposed to light and oxygen.

Thoughts on the Ticketmaster issues for Taylor’s Eras Tour?Listen, I feel fleeced by Ticketmaster for Bluey tickets this weekend. I didn’t even TRY to get tickets for Taylor Swift.

No strong opinions here, but just annoyed that Ticketmaster owns this monopoly.

Did you vaccinate your boys? If so, did you get to choose which vaccine you wanted?We did! We didn’t have an option with Rho (Pfizer was the only option once Rho was eligible), but we did with Rhaki. We got Rhaki vaccinated with Moderna 1 month after he recovered from COVID over the summer - we opted for 2 doses and faster “fully vaccinated” status for him!

Best gifts you’ve ever received?This was a tough question! But here are my favorites:

Potty training tips for stubborn 3.5 year/old boys?We’re still working on poop so I’ll take any advice anyone has on that front!

Honestly, the Oh Crap! method worked great for Rhaki and we got the hang of pee within 3 days. He responded really well with a sticker chart, and 5 stars would get him a little Matchbox car.

Also I randomly started singing Baby Beluga every time I put him on the toilet and somehow it’s become our pee song!

Good luck my friend!

Good ways for 35-45 ages to become more involved in philanthropy?Board service is an amazing way to get involved, and the governance skills you gain will help your professional career as well!

I serve on the boards of Youth Represent NYC (was asked to join by my friend Mike Pope, who’s the executive director) and Feminist Press (was asked to apply to the board by their former ED Jamia Wilson), and I love being involved with these organizations and getting into the weeds and advising on strategy!

Don’t be afraid to reach out to nonprofits you admire with a quick blurb about you and how your skills could support the org, and opportunities to get involved. Board applications will require an up-to-date resume, a few interviews, and for that board to vote on your nomination.

9 weeks pregnant with HG. Any suggestions to survive this please?Talk to your OB to see if any of the meds approved for HG would work for you!

My friends Taber Stockstill l and Mary Orton both dealt with severe HG so I’m tagging them and will share any advice they have. I wold also ask Kirti if she can recommend anyAyurvedic remedies that could help.

I didn’t have HG but I had terrible first trimesters with both kids. All I could eat was white rice with ajwain and salt and ghee, ginger tea and candy, and green apples. Eating small mounts regularly helped. And I could only keep down carbonated or super cold drinks.

Taber’s answer: My heart goes out to her!! Honestly, take all the meds your doctor gives you. Do not feel obligated to do anything, rest as much as you can. I can say- it’s 100% worth it. That doesn’t make it any easier, but it does make it do-able! So tell yourself that when you’re over the toilet for the 8th time that day. You. Can. Do. This.

Also, I was so worried about my baby’s health because mine seemed to be so bad… he’s a thriving 1 year old now. So that’s why I say- just take the medication and eat WHATEVER you can stomach. Reach out to a postpartum doula to plan your postpartum experience. You’ll want to replenish then!! It goes away the SECOND baby is born (luckily)!

Have a wonderful week, my friend!

xo,HPN

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