issue #157 - the one about narratives

Hitha on the things we tell ourselves, what we accept as the truth, and how to write our own

November 06, 2022

Besides the midterm elections and Philly sports (I still love you, Phillies - always will), my brain has also been consumed by narratives.

The stories we tell ourselves and the evidence we seek to validate them as the truth. The narratives that are so ingrained in our society that we accept them as the only way. The way a simplistic message, repeated over and over again, become these narratives - even if they’re not at all rooted in reality.

I spent the beginning of the week thinking about Tom & Gisele and this smart read, and was blown away with the conversation we had about it on my Instagram post:

My friend Neha has been reflecting about the evidence we seek to validate something we believe is the absolute truth, and how to shift from that to observing the evidence of another narrative that may be more aligned with what’s actually happening:

I’m guilty of doing this, and I really appreciate Neha’s gentle guidance on how to shift the evidence gathering to validate our anxieties and to find evidence to embrace the strengths we have and the ones we want to cultivate.

This is something I’m working on when it comes to alcohol consumption in bigger social gatherings - for my entire adult life, I relied on that glass of wine as a comfort mechanism to make me feel like I belonged, and that somehow the wine unlocked my most magical, bubbly self.

We so focus on the evidence we’ve already gathered to validate a self-perceived truth that we rarely think about gathering new evidence to support a different narrative - the one we feel aligned to more, but is different and new and a little bit scary.

Last night, I sought to gather new evidence to support that I am enough as I am, no matter what’s in my glass. I had the incredible honor of attending a formal dinner that I’m sure you’ve seen splashed over Instagram, hosted by Indian American Impact and Product of Culture. The black-tie dinner was attended by people I’ve long admired and respected, people I’m grateful to call my friends, and people I met for the first time and am delighted to build relationships with.

I packed my Equilibria drink drops in my clutch and asked for a club soda with lime and bitters when I reached the bar. Squeezing the drops into my drink invited curiosity from my friends and the folks standing by me, not judgement. I found myself fully engaged in every conversation I had and soaking in every moment of the evening. It also helped to have my close friend Kirti with me, who joined me in enjoying this mocktail and who happily declined the after party so we could get a good night’s sleep!

There was one moment that’s imprinted in my brain from last night that I’m so grateful to have experienced. In her remarks, Representative Pramila Jayapal said the following:

“My progressive colleagues get nervous when I say this, but it is true. The Democrats are the party of freedom, family, and faith.”

She went on to show the evidence supporting this new narrative - how the party is focused on protecting freedom to vote and bodily autonomy, to keep families together and to celebrate all families, and to protect your right to worship (or not!) and in the faith that together, we are all stronger when we all can live with dignity and respect.

These are not the words you typically hear attributed to the Democratic party, but the evidence (especially over the past 16 years) does support it.

That is a narrative worth reclaiming and rewriting, and one that will be fueling my canvassing efforts today and my active citizenship efforts daily. And I’ll also be actively collecting evidence that I don’t need that glass of wine or cocktail to feel like I belong in a room or can show up as my best self.

That’s the thing about narratives. We can write new ones when we’re no longer served by the ones we’ve traditionally held. First step - collect the evidence.

This Week’s Links

  • My latest planning sheet is really working for me. If you also fall in the “I’m a planner or journal away from changing my life” category, give mine a try!

  • Hotel Lobby Candle launched their holiday collection this week, and I’m very excited to switch over from their New York scent to one of these gorgeous scents (I’m feeling Chalet to get me through Thanksgiving, and will switch to Holiday after). I’m also incredibly excited to finally meet Lindsay and Matt at their pop-up this week - these candles have been such a comfort over the past 2 years, helping me feel like I was transported to gorgeous hotels around the world when I was just stuck at my desk working. These candles are definitely a splurge, but they’re one of the only brands that don’t give me a headache and they last forever (I still have half of my Holiday candle from last year!).

  • If you know me, you know I love my rituals and routines. I finally got around to filming and sharing my work mode ritual (all the products in the video are linked here)

  • I also shared the second half of my morning routine - my mom mode routine - in partnership with SmartyPants, a brand my whole family has loved for years. I got a couple of questions about SmartyPants in my DMs, and wanted to share them here in case you had them as well:

    • SmartyPants Organics line are certified vegetarian, while the regular gummies do contain animal-derived gelatin.

    • If you have teenagers, SmartyPants has a teen line to support their changing nutrient and health needs from the kids formulation.

  • A few folks asked about our dining chairs. They’re very kid-friendly and quite comfortable - highly recommend!

  • I just got a new Armoire shipment, swapping out the lightweight jumpsuits and cozy lounge pieces for a perfect top for Thanksgiving, a namesake statement blouse, and some sweet separates (a pair of joggers and a short-sleeved sweater) to mix and match with my current wardrobe. If you’d like to give Armoire a try, my link gets you 50% off your first month and 2 bonus items - and they have some amazing pieces perfect for holiday events!

  • Another perfect holiday outfit? This entire look (all items are linked here)

  • The Mother Honestly Summit was a highlight of my week, and so were my outfits for it. I wore some new MM.LaFleur outfits for both the reception and my panel.

    • If you’re searching for gifts for the boss ass bitches (and those who want to be them), an MM.LaFleur gift card is the perfect gift! Code BESTGIFT gets you 10% off all gift cards right now!

  • When I don’t have a lot of time and I’m getting hangry, my go-to breakfast has been shaking up a scoop of Truvani protein powder and a scoop of Athletic Greens over ice and water. It keeps me fueled and satiates my hanger - which is good for everyone.

  • While this shirt wasn’t enough to help the Phillies get to a Game 7, it still sums up my hometown perfectly. I took a small and it fit perfectly!

What I Read This Week

  • The Kinsmen Universe and Fated Blades by Ilona Andrews - I’m back on my romance game and I have to thank these novellas by Ilona Andrews for them. If you love contemporary fantasy romance and don’t have much of an attention span, these are absolutely perfect. These stories are quick reads, slightly steamy, and utterly addictive. I just want more from this universe, but I’m glad I have Andrews’ long backlist to make my way through.

What Everyone Else Read This Week

  • Profit First: Transform Your Business From A Cash-Eating Monster To A Money-Making Machine by Mike Michalowicz - THIS BOOK IS SO GOOD! Whether you’re working 100% for yourself, considering dipping your toe into freelance work as a side gig, or have strong feelings about the way any given business is run -- you’ve got to give this a read. The questions alone, often followed by specific tasks to complete, require hours to digest. I’ll be referring back to this text for years to come!

Top #5SmartReads Of The Week

The rest of the week’s reads + last week’s (and conversations!) are below:

Your Questions, Answered

Why? I hope you’re doing okay.My mental health has been pretty rocky for the past couple of months, along with the usual chaos of work/family/life as the holidays are here.

I hope my mental health will stabilize once I get back on a medication (thank you for the referrals, Dr. Pooja Lakshmin and Saumya Dave!)

I will be okay. And thank you for checking in- and please check in with your close friends and family. he end of year holidays can be magical, and stressful for those responsible for making them magic.

Need to write a thesis for my international MBA. Can be anything biz related. WWYD?

  • The creator economy is something I’d love to read an in-depth thesis of!

  • The ROI in private sector investing in care programs for their employees.

  • The future of work-remove/hybrid, what different generations can learn form one another.

What’s your favorite Friday night decompression ritual after this kind of week?When my husband makes his really yummy burgers, we open a bottle of De Soi, and eat dinner and watch our shows once the kids are in bed and then I stay up an hour later to read.

Would you send your kids to public school? Thinking about the Emily In Your Phone post…It was very much our plan, but both our children have needs that the public schools we visited could not successfully support and they’re at a school that’s right for them now.

This is something we will reevaluate as they grow and their needs change. I also have to give NYC Department of Education a lot of credit in how supportive they are for kids with needs- they go far above what is the norm in most of the country!

How do we keep hope? Early polls saying auburn white women leaning right again!Go watch this highlight from Emily!

Citizenship is an active practice, not something we do once and all is good.

We will win some elections. We will lose some elections.Hell, this may be the last fair and free election we’ll have in a long time. But we cannot lose heart and give up. We must act regularly- vote, stay informed with what’s happening, call your reps, contribute to the public square, etc.

Favorite restaurants around Time Square for tourists?I’d walk a couple of blocks west and eat in Hell’s Kitchen, which has so many amazing restaurants!

All my favorite spots (in NYC and in cities I’ve traveled to) are in the Out Of Office app!

What narrative will you rewrite this week? Join the conversation:

xo,HPN

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