issue #119 - the one on cuts

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On Wednesday, I cut my finger.

I was making a batch of chickpea salad (a vegetarian riff on Madam Vice President’s tuna salad) and was dicing onions for the salad. Off came the corner of my middle finger’s nail - and apparently, part of my finger.

I cleaned the cut, put on a Band-Aid, and tried to go about my day. But it hurt badly enough that my husband marched me down to urgent care on Friday to have it examined by a medical professional and not the Internet.

Fingers actually grow back, and nails obviously do. Cuts are painful, but they are lessons learned with every accidental cut, nick, bruise, or scar.

They remind us to take our time. To use care when wielding sharp tools (words can be just as dangerous as a brand new knife). To give the task at hand our full attention (I confess that I was listening to a podcast and trying to have a conversation with someone while dicing). To seek help.

I know these pontifications seem impossible right now. We are being tasked with working and caregiving at non-pandemic levels as we enter the third year of the pandemic. There doesn’t feel like there’s enough time or energy to do all the things we have to do, because there isn’t.

The trade-off is cutting off pieces of ourselves. The past two years is a graveyard of these pieces of our physical, mental, and emotional selves.

We have to start saying no. Start slowing down. Start protecting the little peace and energy we have left. Stop cutting off pieces of ourselves in service of others.

And maybe invest in a safer vegetable chopper (thanks, honey).

What I Read This Week

• Sister Stardust by Jane Green (out April 5) - I have a fascination with the 60’s, mostly for the geopolitics, the space race, and the fashion. With Sister Stardust (which is the closest you can get to a Moroccan vacation in book form!), that fascination now includes the music and culture scene and reaffirms my love for everything Jane Green writes. The book is a reimagining of Talitha Getty’s life, from the perspective of her fictional friend Claire (an English shopgirl who finds herself swept up with a rock band that finds themselves in Morocco), and a friendship that is as intense and passionate as it is brief. Do yourself a favor and preorder this IMMEDIATELY. And get yourself a fabulous caftan (code hitha for $10 off), headband, and this subtle fragrance to wear to wear when you read it, for good measure.

• Doctors and Friends by Kimmery Martin - One of my last events before the world shut down was interviewing Kimmery with Ashley Spivey for her second book’s release (which, like all Kimmery’s books, is excellent). Over drinks, Kimmery told us that she had just finished the draft of her third novel - a book about a global pandemic and 3 friends working on the front line. None of us expected to live what Martin wrote (though Martin’s fiction had a competent response from the government, which I deeply envied). If you just cannot handle this book right now, I completely get it. But it is a SUPERB book that cultivates some much needed sympathy for our frontline workers who are entering the third year of this relentless pandemic.

• Ambitious Like a Mother by Lara Bazelon (out April 19) - every mother will feel seen by this book, but every manager, business leader, and politician needs to read it to firmly face the false narratives that have kept the free labor of women from properly being accounted for. This is a book to definitely pre-order, and one to share with your company’s employee resource groups (happy to connect you with Lara’s team about having her come speak to your group).

• Bombshell by Sarah MacLean - if Bridgerton and the Gulabi Gang had a love child, it would be Sarah MacLean’s Hell’s Belles series. This group of women of the ton take justice into their own hands and take down the men behaving badly, and Bombshell centers on Lady Sesily Talbot who wields her salacious reputation like a sword and finds herself tied up with her unrequited love, an American entrepreneur who’s in business with her sister. This book is the perfect one to tide you over until Bridgerton’s second season airs, and I can’t wait for Sarah to publish the rest of the series.

• Barbarian’s Lady by Ruby Dixon (book #14) - this series is the gift that keeps on giving, and I’m allowing myself one book a week from this series to stretch it out as long as I can. I appreciate that Dixon touches on the difficult issues (this one dealt with loss and grief) in this universe of sexy, respectful blue aliens and the women who love them. I love this series so much. Please read it so Kate and I have more people to discuss it with.

Top #5SmartReads of the Week 

• Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.'s Speech “The Other America”

• He thought tending bar sounded like fun. Then the entire kitchen staff quit on Christmas Eve. (The Experiment)

• Why Does Coffee Make Me Poop? (New York Times)

• “Everything is content”: Inside the daily grind of one of India’s biggest influencer families (Rest Of World)

• I’m Tired of Explaining Why I Don’t Drink (The Cut)

The rest of the week’s reads (and conversations!) are below:

• Monday 1/17

• Tuesday 1/18

• Wednesday 1/19 

• Thursday 1/20

• Friday 1/21

Your Questions AnsweredI’m not buying much these days, so I’m going to use this space to share some of the questions and product requests I get asked frequently.

Gift for my mom’s 65th birthday — quick shipping :)This house wrap by Southern Charm’s GOAT Patricia Altuschul. It is divine and I practically live in mine.

Favorite resume resources? This 40 year old wants to jump into a completely different industryMy friend Julia does resume, LinkedIn, and cover letter editing! Reach out to her at [email protected].

Thoughts on building culture in a new (and remote) team?Two people who do this extremely well are Blessing Adesiyan and Amanda Goetz (I’ve seen it first-hand, as an advisor and investor in their companies, respectively). Here’s what I’ve seen them do extremely well:

• Establish an asynchronous first environment (i.e. people doing work on their time), with offline days or meetings scheduled during specific hours.

• Productive meetings - briefing documents sent in advance, a specific agenda, and a goal set at the top of the meeting so everyone knows why they’re participating. This is how I run meetings as well, and it WORKS.

• A culture of gratitude - offering commendations or shoutouts in weekly calls or as big things are happening.

• Transparency. In smaller companies, everyone’s contributions drive the success of the company, so everyone deserves to know exactly what’s going on.

Your skin looks amazing. Do you have any favorite skin products?These health habits have made a big impact on my skin - drinking lots of water, eating a salad with most lunches and dinners, my Athletic Greens, exercise, washing my face with warm (not hot!) water, and sleep.

On the product side, I change up my routine every season or when I have new skin concerns (right now, treating monster pimples and drier-than-usual skin) with the help of Haldi. For dry skin, I’m loving the Saint Jane serum, Ranavat’s serum and face cream, Alpha-H’s power peel weekly and their Liquid Gold serum every other night, Alchimie Forever’s serum to treat hyperpigmentation and their kantic mask to drench my skin in moisture, and face oil as a final step (Supergoop’s for day, Equilibria at night)

You can get your own custom routine from Haldi here, and Equilibria’s warehouse sale has a mini version of the oil for just $25! My code hitha will give you an additional 15% off, and I would add their bath bombs and relaxation soak to your order.

Here in Philly for a day, what must I eat/drink?All my travel recommendations are available on Out Of Office, an amazing travel app.

Off the top of my head, I would recommend grabbing coffee and a pastry at La Colombe (lots of locations around the city) and visit the Philadelphia Museum of Art, the Barnes Foundation, or the Franklin Institute. Head to El Vez or The Love for lunch (Mexican or modern American, respectively), and then stroll up and down Chestnut and Walnut through the Rittenhouse area. For dinner, I recommend Butcher and Singer (old school supper club steakhouse), Vetri (phenomenal Italian food), or Zahav (Israeli food and more vegetarian friendly).

Early career academic needs affordable wardrobe for changing body (between pregnancies)?I would go the rental route! Armoire is my favorite service to rent clothes from, and I saved a bunch of the maternity friendly styles in this collection.

I would invest in a few pairs of maternity pants, but would buy them pre-loved from Poshmark. HATCH and Good American maternity are what I wore and loved (be sure to size down in Good American).

Stay safe, stay healthy, and be careful when chopping with sharp knives.

xo,HPN